Depression, love addiction and breaking through

Wounds. The emotional ones are the hardest to understand. We can't just look at the injury, test the progress and declare it healed. Like waves, the emotions come and go, rise and fall, ease and surge again. Depression has been a part of my life, like so many others, and it's a tough road when it's at it's worst. I know. I know. But I've beat it before and I am beating it again. It takes time to pull out of and more importantly, it takes an acknowledgement of its existence. It's a real affliction, but it's not impossible to overcome it...and you don't need a psychologist or drugs to do it. I'm not going to claim that those methods don't work, but I am certainly a proponent of helping yourself, building your own foundation, and finding your own path and balance. It's like the old saying, "If you want something done right, do it yourself". I find being creative in any manner is such a healthy way for me to start the process of recovery, but moving to more rational means and purpose driven, positive thought is also absolutely necessary. By facing the truth of what it is that has troubled me enough to cause this long lasting depressive cycle, I am able to talk about it, make it less of a haunting secet trouble and more of a story and a lesson from my past. For me, there were a number of factors that brought me here. Some of which I am completely responsible for and other factors were completely beyond my control. I had a number of love relationships fail in a row, all of which influenced my mental state intensely, until I finally could not take another dramatic episode and withdrew from the idea of being with anyone until I had a grip on my emotions. I saw my business, my life's work and dream fail and lost my closest friendships. Nearly everyone who was in my life 3 years ago is no longer, save my family and one or two very close friends. I no longer had a dream, a future I cared about or a point to being around except to be a good father to my son. Soon, anything that went wrong in my life came with the weight of everything that had gone wrong, no matter how big or small. That's a lot to handle when small troubles feel like a ton of bricks landing on you, and small troubles come often in every one's life so I had to start learning to react appropriately and proportionately to the events in my life and not look at them as an ever-growing mountain of pain, but one small challenge at a time, each to be dealt with and to be moved past. Of course that combines with the inability to get excited or feel any joy over anything at all. The funniest thing is that one day I found myself laughing at something and realized I hadn't felt that in many months...simple, real laughter. Cracks in the wall. Some daylight. And the wall continues to fall. Oh, how I am excited about seeing it fall completely! Belief in a brighter future is lapping at my shore. It takes effort, but I know I can get there. Opening up. Trusting in people again. Knowing that healthy relationships do exist and that I can be a part of one and I am ready for it. I continue to learn about myself, to define myself but I am fresh and untested at this new plateau. Waves, growing stronger with each passing day. It's a long long road and I am walking hard and fast into better days.