Anger

I am angry today. I feel myself wanting to lash out at anyone. I can't stand that I swallow it and smile when I have to interact with someone. It makes me feel like a liar. I'm stressed. It seems nothing is going quite right. It's a beautiful day and I have no one to share it with, no one to talk to about this frustration. I'm low on food, money and time. I feel the mountain of pointlessness wanting to crash down upon my sunny field. Over and again my hope is squashed. No amount of optimism, or positive thought is making a dent today. I feel like I'm giving into the idea of getting pissed off. I am angry. I am confused. I don't know what else to feel, there's no reason to feel anything else. Time is wasted, some people have treated me terribly, circumstance ruins my financial plans, my plan to enjoy the summer is a wash. I'll be working it all away just keeping up with the bills. I feel its vibration in my head, shaking me to pieces, fueling uncontrollable rage. I want to shout, to break something, to cause damage. I want to wield this emotion into a brick wall and watch it break and be crushed to dust under my strength and vengeance. I don't know where to hit, how to express this. I want to yell and scream at those who have hurt me. I want them to know how much pain I have had to endure as a result of their actions. I want them to feel this pain, so they will know, so that I don't have to bear it alone. I want to open the seal on this capped intensity and let it loose upon the world. I want to tear down the beauty built at the expense of my broken heart and soul. I want to see it destroyed and completely obliterated at my feet. I am angry. I am tired of taking punches with a grain of salt. I am tired of it. Fairness is a joke, it's the virtue of the selfish, while they take and take in their self-righteous version of a equality. I want what's fair. Fair for me. I want to be selfish. I give and give and give away my love to others and it is treated like a whore. Those who don't honor love disgust me. I am disgusted with you. I will move on from you swine, you blind and awful people. Get away from me. I only want to be around those who understand the idea of self-sacrifice. They are the only people to be with, where I feel right about giving myself away, and I want to rise up and be the best person that I can be. I want to be sustained. I want to love and to be loved. I don't want to be angry anymore. I know I can be better than that.