The intensity of it all

Chills. Like spires through my veins. My mind and body fuse. I am set upon an idea. I exude a look and presence of pure intensity, one that has me and yet I have channeled and control. We are symbiotic. This feeling of tapping the source and trembling the foundations of the Earth and I am not afraid. I feel alive. This is where I belong, where I mean what I say, where I act as I am. It is who I am, one-hundred and ten. Whatever it is that I truly involve myself with, the bond is inextricable. Its left me broken down to nothing. Its brought me to the highest places. I don't know if it's a value I learned or something I was born with. I question whether I should work to decrease this spirit in me or if I should accept and embrace it within myself. In the past I have blindly allowed it and used it's power to accomplish many selfish motives, which ultimately led to other's suffering and my own. I let it into the love I've been a part of and it has served to show me such wonderful and selfless emotion that set me beyond all that I have seen, then turned and took it all away again. If I decrease it, am I not simply decreasing myself? If I embrace it, do I not doom myself to this violently extreme pendulum of emotion, of pride and humility, of gain and loss. Part of me envies those more collected and less prone to such a range of intensity. Part of me feels sorry for those that would never dare experience the emotional extremes life has to offer. Maybe we don't really have a choice over how our hearts bleed. Some more, some less. Is it nature? Is it nurture? Does it matter if we can't change it? We do however have a choice as to what to do with the blood. I make music, I write, I create with all that excess, when it has nowhere else to go...it goes here.