Accross the Universe...

Drained, I reached my destination. Fuck Virginia. Three days of pure hell led me here to this place. Can't sleep, intoxicated on all things that can go wrong. There I was a mile in the sky. There I fly, half asleep, half alive. The sunrise on the wrong side. My heart left on the sidewalk 1500 miles behind. Watching myself floating through another airport window reflection, looks like some other stranger. Dallas supertrain. Gate 19A. My body 18,000ft above, my mind, nowhere to be found. Superman loses another Lois Lane. A heap rolls out of the flying system of long carpets and automatic doors, one mile in the sky. A car comes around a corner in some underground concrete cemetery for my hope, no sky, artificial light, southwest, northwest, united, divided. Throw the rope. Toss the float. This one's going down if we don't. Rescue. Ride in the dark. Finality. That garage door opened. There sat my redemption, lacking compassion, providing a means to my "start-over". Scared. Sleep. Relief. Awake. 10 seconds and the reality resets like a wave. Damn. Try out this new thing...I can do this. I can. It might be alright, it might even be fun. A day goes by and I just distract myself the whole time. Red Rocks. Colorado winds take me down 70 and up 25. Downtown. Lunchtime. Dinnertime. Familytime. Some sleep...not really. Thoughts are intrusive and a constant ache. Won't you let me sleep? Lois, how could it be? Tomorrow...tomorrow...the morning of my exodus. Sunrise crashing loud and abrasive against the wall of my mountains behind me. Tie the bag down. Remember the rules, the maintenance, the mechanics, risk your life and be born again. Gloves on. Helmet on. Say goodbye, say thank you. A million miles, a million miles. Off into the hard morning. East. East. Careful. The wind! Can I do this? My first semi. Concentrate. No time for complaint, no time for fear, no turning back. Do this. You can do this. The wind isn't going anywhere, so you better make friends. Now across this great plain, the land spreads out like a giant picnic blanket running to the horizon. Kansas never really ends. A day of staying alive. Topeka rains, and darkness falls. I'm lost. I'm wet. I'm miserable. I'm cold and alone. An hour goes by in desperation. Motel 6 salvation. Cable television numb. Morning...time to go. Time to know Missouri again for the 5 or 6th time. No more fear. Glimmers of enjoyment. Intrusive disbelief and the daggers of ache pull my body. St. Louis. Pouring rain again. Traffic jam. Pull to the side, under an overpass, rain gear. Standing on the side of the interstate feels like a perfect metaphor. It's an appropriate place for me. So long in Saint Lou-ee. So damn soaked inside and out. Time to stop. Burnt out maybe, or trying to enjoy the trip perhaps. Find some time for me. Do something fun? Like what? Taco bell just doesn't hold the same joy in my current state...Illinois. This town is not trying to save me. Overpriced hotel room. I don't care. Get some beer. Get on the phone. Talk to friends. Drink alone. Damn. Call out in the night to no response. Too many tears. Too much. It's too much. Too damn much. Why? Pass out. Reckless morning. Get up early. Get out of this godforsaken room. Ride. Morning fog. Ride. Heal up. Ride. Push. Determination. Faster. Faster. Faster. Blue and Red! Can't be good. I'm guilty. Yes officer. No officer. I understand. Jail? Whatever, I don't care, really really. I've only got a few bucks on me. I'm getting off lucky? That's what you think. On down the road with my new insult to injury. Indiana. Fuck him. Faster. The sunshine and Kentucky starts rolling out its green fields. Its lush carpet of beauty, filled with horses and fences, white clouds and big shadows across the land. Lunchtime. Red Bull. Cigarette. Feel good for the first time in a week. Ride and ride. West Virginia...dark clouds. Mountains. Rain! Soaked. Charleston is an ugly town, but at least I'm getting closer. Wind up and out of that town without fear. Clear weather for a moment. The bike responds, leans and moves like a Japanese super rail car carrying me to the top of Fuji on the wildest winding track laid by man. We are one. Cold on top. Rest a minute...No phone...Let's go home baby. Let's get this done. Down and down into the darkness. Virginia again. And here comes God. In sheets of pelting rain. In madness. I said I AM GOING HOME. Madness. Lois! Staunton...McDonalds...call my brother. I am going on. I am pure will. I am frozen. I am soaked to the soul. Shiver in the lunacy. Following the lights of these travellers in there safe cars terrified of my suicide. I decide. Muscles aren't working right. Body ravaged. I'm going on. That's right, it's you and me God. You and me. Whatcha got? We're taking this all the way to the end. Black frozen rain reality. No more hope. No more. No more. No more. Black. Black cold death. Live Johnny. Live dammit. Richmond. Look for a room. No rooms...all gone...fuck NASCAR. I'm going to die now. There's no going on. No joking. A place to change my clothes. A couch. Dim lights and soft music. In the warmth a gentle "why?". Where did you go tonight? I am dead tonight. Then a friend. Get up buddy. A ride in the middle of the night. A shot of booze. Change cars. Sunrise. The water. Empty house. Broken life. Broken picture frames. Back to Richmond. Find the bike. Ride the ride. Home alive. Here to face the new. Let's go for a run. Tear off those neck ties. Something better might be just around the bend.