A certain level of confusion

It would be fair to say that I am always learning. I find strength and belief in one place and then find its downfall. I anchor to a rock and watch it crumble away. Each time it happens I find I am becoming stronger, I am becoming my own rock. How much more must I learn? I've never had a relationship go quite like this last one. So simple, honest and easy at first, and then I watched her grow so desperately afraid of losing me at every turn. She lost herself, forgot herself, negated herself and I felt alone with her. I've never had to say goodbye in such calm seas. I've never hurt someone so badly while being absolutely sure it was the right choice. The confusion sets in and yet it dries up immediately. I am fine, life is good, I am happy. The future, the present and everything in between is looking upward. I am not guilty. I was honest and made a choice that will eventually serve both of us. And now, I understand the trials that others have gone through in a new way. This is an odd time. I didn't expect to feel so very "alright" so soon, but indeed I do. I'm not even sure I need a relationship right now. I want to spend some time feeling fine. What is it to break a heart? I've had mine swiped from me a few times. It's a pain that lasts a lifetime. It's the end of a love which does not end. It's the necessary detachment of one who is going away and the murder of the other's soul. Wholeness denied. Cold and calm on the side of those who leave, hot and tumultuous on the other. Finality. So I send these meaningless apologies for your suffering out into space, never to be felt. You are on your own my dear. If it weren't for honesty, I'd be by your side and I'd keep pretending everything was blissfully okay between us. It's not and it will never be. You never knew me, I never knew you. Confused? Sure I'm confused. I loved this person deeply and truly, then suddenly felt it die and shrivel into the darkness in almost no time. Somehow, I'm alright though. My best guess is to keep moving, be happy and not take this time for granted. How much more should I complain? I thank my lucky stars I am alive and well in this world. These days are so different now. I'm home.