It's true that the older you get, the less you know and the more you are comfortable with not knowing everything. For example, I didn't know I was holding onto pain from the past. A part of my broken heart that I forgot about in all the chaos. I thought I worked it all out, but it was there all along and it finally festered out almost violently and unexpectedly the other night. I was listening to some music and the flood came rushing. I had to call my lost love, tell her I still felt her, still loved her and missed her terribly, but I needed to move on, needed to have that piece of me back. I almost couldn't breath or see through the tears and wails that came rising from this most damaged place. A wound I thought had healed completely some time ago. She listened and comforted me. Let me know she understood and would work to oblige my need to be whole, as she needs to let go as well. She told me that I was on her mind all day, that I contacted her just as she was listening to me sing a song that brought us together and had "us" squarely on her mind. Over such time and space. My prayers. Our fate, our choices. There is more than meets the eye. We can only hope to play our role as sincerely as possible. I joke with my friends and lovers about the super-galactic oneness plane that we share. The joke is actually the accepting of a connection that needs not be explained or questioned. Thanks to this truth, I am set free and thankful. I welcome this cleansing, despite the tears and deep emotional pain. Bring it on. Yes, I will continue and be whole and new. I have much to hope for, much to be thankful for...don't we all.
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